The Trouble with Fawkes
by YenGirl
Summary: A powerful and magical familiar is both useful and convenient... unless you are not its master.


**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! This is a little something born from yet another conversation with my daughter. Unfortunately, she is now more interested in Pokemon than in HP so don't be surprised if you one day find me writing about Severus finding a certain bright yellow creature in the Forbidden Forest :)

For those following my continuation of JD's epic TMS, you must be wondering if it's fallen into a black hole somewhere. Well, I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew (more like am choking on it LOL) because it's become increasingly difficult thanks to real life, a very busy beta and a muse hiding in a dark corner somewhere and sulkily throwing out little bits and pieces of ideas that have nothing to do with TMS. Progress has slowed down to a crawl... or whatever is slower than that. So here's hoping my muse will regain her interest in TMS soon and I thank you all for your patience. In the meantime, enjoy this silly little offering :)

**Summary: **A powerful and magical familiar is both useful and convenient... unless you are not its master.

**Rating:** 'T' (although K would still be fine)

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is the brainchild of JK Rowlings.

- Story Start -

Albus Dumbledore put down the letter from the Ministry and shook his head. This was something that couldn't wait til morning, he needed to inform everyone right now.

"Fawkes," he said, turning to the phoenix on his perch near the fireplace. "Please bring my staff here, each and everyone of them."

The phoenix glanced at the windows - it was pitch black out - before tipping his head at Albus and emitting a questioning chirr.

"Yes, I know it's a quarter to eleven, but this is urgent," Albus insisted.

Fawkes nodded, spread his magnificent wings and disappeared in a ball of flame.

Exactly four seconds later, a flash of fire appeared in the middle of the office. Severus Snape stood there, dressed in a green nightshirt with a green toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. He removed it, put his other hand on his hip and glared at Albus.

"Do you have any idhia what time it ish, Albush?" he growled, spitting out bits of foam.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I thought Fawkes would have let you finish brushing first."

"Well, he dhidn't."

Another flash of fire. A tabby cat with spectacle markings around its eyes appeared beside Severus, sporting an annoyed expression and the tail of a fish sticking out of its mouth. It stuffed the tail in before morphing into the form of Minerva McGonagall, wrapped in a tartan dressing gown. She too, glared at Albus as she chewed and swallowed.

"Really, Albus!" she exclaimed. "A bit of warning if you please, especially during our personal time!"

"I'm sorry, Minerva. I thought Fawkes would have let you finish eating first."

"As you can see, he didn't."

"Pre-shishe-ly," Snape sputtered. He looked around for a wash basin, didn't see any and continued to brush his teeth vigorously.

The next flash of fire occurred right over Albus' desk, causing him to blink and jerk backwards. Filius Flitwick appeared, lying on his back with his eyes closed and his hands folded across his chest. He was snoring softly.

"It's not even eleven yet," Snape grumbled.

"At least he wasn't taken by surprise," Minerva pointed out.

Relieved to have escaped another admonishment, Albus conjured a fat purple pillow which fussily squirmed itself under the Charms professor's head.

Another flash of fire. Pomona Sprout appeared on the other side of Snape, clad in a floral dressing gown and kneazle bedroom slippers. Water fell in a steady sprinkle from the spout of the watering can in her hand, right onto Snape's bare feet. When he jumped back with a mumbled curse and another spray of toothpaste foam, Sprout blinked before hurriedly righting the can.

"Sorry, Severus." She looked expectantly around her, eyebrows going up at the sight of the sleeping Charms professor on the Headmaster's desk. Then she frowned at Albus.

"Do you know what time it is, Albus?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, Pomona. I thought Fawkes would have let you finish... er, watering first."

"Well, he didn't."

"My feet are wet," Snape groused.

"Hmph!" Minerva added, folding her arms across her chest.

The next flash of fire marked the appearance of Sybil Trelawney, shuffling a pack of of tarot cards and muttering to herself. She looked around her and squawked in surprise, tossing the entire pack of cards into the air. One landed on Filius' mouth which caused him to choke mid-snore and sit up, another fell in Fawkes' feeding dish and a third in the puddle of water near Snape's feet. Everyone turned to glare at her.

"Ah," she said, blinking rapidly and pulling her numerous shawls closer together.

"I'm sorry, Sybil," Albus began. "I thought Fawkes would have let you finish-"

"No matter, Headmaster," she interrupted in her usual wispy tone. "I knew we would all be summoned here before midnight."

Ignoring the many raised eyebrows and sceptical looks, Albus nodded and raised his wand. He summoned all the cards into a neat pile which he floated over to Trelawney.

There was another flash of fire. Poppy Pomfrey appeared in front of Snape with her hands on her hips and a resigned expression on her face.

"In the Infirmary _again_, Mr. Pott-" She broke off and looked around. Then she spun around to glare at Albus, her lips pressed tightly together.

"I was about to question Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley, Albus!"

"I'm sorry, Poppy. I thought Fawkes would have let you finish er, questioning first."

"Well, he didn't!"

"Why are those two in the Infirmary?" McGonagall asked the Medi Witch.

"I wasn't given the chance to find out!" Pomfrey exclaimed.

"It was foretold those two would get injured tonight," Trelawney muttered, nodding to herself.

Another flash of fire. Argus Filch appeared, cursing and hopping on one bare foot as he struggled to get the other into a pair of faded blue pyjama bottoms. He looked around, realised he wasn't alone and promptly lost his balance, falling over onto his back. When Trelawney shrieked, Filch remembered he wasn't wearing any underwear and yanked up his bottoms before glaring at Dumbledore.

"Headmaster, really!" he fumed, face turning bright red.

"I'm sorry, Argus. I thought Fawkes would have let you-"

Another flash of fire interrupted him. Irma Pince stood there in a high necked, long sleeved flannel nightgown with her hair down. She looked around and gasped, hugging herself tightly once when she saw she wasn't alone.

"Headmaster, I am not dressed for - for company!"

"I'm sorry, Irma. I thought Fawkes would have let you - well, you do look quite dressed to me."

The next flash of fire brought Rubeus Hagrid and Buckbeak, the former having placed a hand on the latter's neck. Everyone hastily took a step back and bowed in unison except for Trelawney who yelped and tossed the pile of cards in her hands into the air again. Startled, Buckbeak reared up onto his hind hoofs, causing Hagrid to drop the dead ferret in his hand onto Minerva's foot.

"Hagrid! Remove that disgusting thing from my foot at once!"

"Sorry, Professor!"

"The... the Kraken! No, the - the Sphinx! No, it's Ragnorak!"

As the babble of voices grew louder, interspersed with 'Get me a washbashin, Albush, or I will ushe your Penshieve!' and 'There there, Beaky, they're jus' cards' and 'It's the end of the world!' and 'Why am I sitting on your desk, Headmaster?', Albus sighed and buried his face in his hands. Then he raised his head and glared at a very smug looking phoenix who was back on his perch and watching the irate staff with ill concealed satisfaction.

"The trouble with you, Fawkes," Albus chided, shaking his head, "is that you take things too literally."

- Story End -

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review?**


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